This week is fulled with feelings,love,hatred,sorrow, pain, dullness,sadness
(if u notice, mostly are negative feelings..urgh..what a life)
Last Friday,i've been informed for a very unpleasant news,
Another application for changing my academic programme has been rejected,
and there will not be any chance onwards. That's their policy and i do respect it.
In the moment, my heart feels restless and my face is emotionless,
no matter how good the jokes made by the comedian in the Tv, my face is zero reaction.
sorry guys, you need to work on your ridiculousity more.
If i can shout till my voice cord runs out, i would really want to tell others
that i really, truly and deeply want to have it,
but no matter how hard I tried, that thing still be apart from me.
i tend to replay my feeling on the day i've felt off from leader of hope...
Have you ever felt that your world will come to an end?
You are suffering from unpleasant things given to you..
I'm lying if i told you that i'm not blaming the destiny,
me is still the homo-sapien who are given heart to feel, heart to cry and heart to laugh.
i tend to blame others instead of myself. what a human...
Hurm,enough with my babbling on how my life went wrong,
I'm trying not to entertain this unworthy feeling.
i've decided not to think about it anymore,
and those who keep on asking, underestimating, judging me,
just mind your own bussiness, stay away from others life,
if myself do bothers you, er, thats your problem, not mine.
Now, those feelings alter and become unfeelingness..
If my memory serves me right, i've never felt this emptyness before.
The emptyness isnt showing my sadness, sorrow, moody or what,
it just showing nothing to worry about.isnt that awkward? herm..thats a sign maybe.
oh ALLAH, You've made Your decision, this path will never be mine.
i'm exhausted from being to demanding. i know,
i've asking sooo many wishes, sooo many good things...
i know You never teach me to give up trying but this time,
You have give a definite sign not to count on it anymore, and yes,
for the first time, i do agree on You..
oh ALLAH, there's a lot of things that bother me,
what will going to happen to me on future?
what if i dont get any job?
what if i cant take care of my mother when i got a job that force me to stay far from her?
what if... er... so many if and yet, i'm still learning.
what am i thinking? come on...here comes again...the same old way of thinking...
i've kept thinking on negative perception instead of learning to be the best.
that's how, my concious mind set me up, i do put aside the chance in front of my eyes.
oh ALLAH,
You are giving the hint...
I notice there is another path to be explored,
much more to be grateful for, much more to be appreaciate with,
lots of challenges awaits from me in this field.
oh ALLAH, please give me strength, i'm loser without your continuous attention.
oh ALLAH, i'm here writing for You..
I'm here begging for your Forgiveness and Lovely Blessing to bless what i've done,
what i'm going to do and what i will not do.
i know, if i choose to be regret for what You've planned for me,
i'll failed to be a Good Muslimah.
I admire Prophet Muhammad s.a.w,
eventhough You've honoured him to be your most beloved,
he still got the rough time in his life,
he wasnt being pampered..He faced the challenges like a REAL man!
You've thought him to be strong when the entire world was against him.
He's been cursed, been hurt by thorns, been thrown with shits and puke, he's been hit till the blood flowed vigirously..
yet, he never thinks negatively. he thinks of us, his ummah~ 3 times lovingly till he meet YOU there...
he never take advantage on Your Love towards him to punish those were cruel to him,
just imagine, my life being suffering like him?
and now, what have i done to my destiny?
i blamed on them, destiny is wrong, destiny is what so ever... what a servant am i?
Love Letter from YOU Have Said Clearly in..
surah an-Nisa: 078;
"Wherever ye are, death will find you out, even if ye are in towers built up strong and high!" If some good befalls them, they say, "This is from Allah.; but if evil, they say, "This is from thee" (O Prophet). Say: "All things are from Allah." But what hath come to these people, that they fail to understand a single fact?
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-these fullstop shows me continuing on living not the end of live. get the whole start-
